Loss

While not a "MOTORCYCLE" topic, it's something I'm dealing with at this moment.

I grew up in a family that included pets as part of the family. My earliest memories are of me sitting in my backyard talking to my best friend, our family German Shepherd. She was always there to discuss my problems. While her answers were a bit difficult to understand, she always listened, which was all I needed.

When I started my own family our first pet was a white German Shepherd, Shafer. I created a special platform in my jeep so she could go everywhere with me. I never outgrew this type of companionship she provided. She passed away after battling a heart ailment. Our vet came to our house and put her to sleep as she chewed her favorite tennis ball, and rested her head in my lap. One of the saddest days of my short life. I still have that tennis ball, in a special place.

About 8 months ago I lost Liebe, who had kidney failure. She lived 8 years longer than we were told. Liebe was special because I actually brought her into this World. She was a puppy from a litter Shafer #2 had in my extra room at our home. This time we went to the Vet to have her put to sleep. Again, she died resting her head in my lap. My grief was different, but just as intense. I knew she had years with my family that no one expected, but it's hard to grasp the up-side, and easy to be selfish wanting more.

Now for the source of my current stress and emotional depression.

My last German Shepherd, Panzer, is getting near the end of his life. Everything inside me says it's time to put him to sleep. He's having a hard time holding down his food (regardless of special diets), has painful joint issues, skin cancer and is going a bit senile. I always told myself that it was time when he was having more bad days, than good ones. I've postponed it several times hoping a new food would help, or giving medication for his joints would help with the pain. At first some solutions worked, but he's getting worse. However, he still has good days, and at times appears fine on many levels. I often wish it was more "in my face" like the situations above.

Currently I'm still torn, but I know it will all come to a conclusion. I owe it to him to see that he isn't in pain, and that he has a good quality of life. I also know that this isn't the time to think about whats easier for me, but what's right for him.

Those that read this might not relate to feeling the way I do. I have friends myself that have a much more detached attitude when it comes to their pets. All I can say is that I'm not one of them. I remind them that I'm the guy who organizes fund raiser rides for the local no kill shelter. I'm also one of 80+ that attend these events. Loading a family member of over 10 years into your car, seeing the uncertain face as you walk into the vet, and taking on the roll as the exicutionaire isn't an easy trip...